Wednesday, 27 January 2010

My family has three hundred billion uncles and aunts.... and counting.

Seriously.

For the past few years of my life, I've been (im)politely corrected each time I referred to someone as 'Mrs.X'. This reference almost always ends with  another person immediately suggesting, that I 'just call her X Aunty'. 

So it is fair to ask the obvious question (unless you are Indian, of course) -

Does this mean everyone around you is an Aunt or an Uncle?

Apparently, yes. 

Right from the tea-stall owner to the strange woman who handed me an extra plate at dinner, it is supposedly discourteous to not refer to them as Uncle or Aunty. This Uncle-Aunt, Brother-Sister address is so completely, and atrociously Indian that even our country's pledge reads ' All Indians are my brothers and sisters'. I mean, why couldn't they just not get so damn sentimental about Independence and simply say something to the lines of ' We will stand together as friends and co-exist and love each other' or something? But no. And it's not surprising how everyone becomes some sort of extended family once you call them an Uncle or an Aunt here. From the 'Aunty' at the counter in Spencer's Daily to the Tea Kadai 'Uncle', everyone wants to know about my well-being and my love life. Unbelievable!

It is difficult not to be amazed by Indian society sometimes.

P.S- Swami Vivekananda, just so you know, you're like awesome and all that, but I really think that pledge could've been written with a little more thought.

Monday, 11 January 2010

If there ever was an agrarian crisis

Mum - Why are the animals on my farm walking all over the place on Farmville.


Sis - Ma, you've got to lock your animals in line so they don't wander away.

Mum - What??How can you do something so cruel?!

Sis -??@#!#$ They're digital animals!!

Mum - So? Just becaue they're digital you think its alright to ill-treat animals?

Tuesday, 5 January 2010

Scribbling on empty pages

There's this retarded American thriller about a bunch of teenagers tripping on magic mushrooms and killing each other -  I was watching it on New Year's eve when the clock struck twelve and the world was going berserk. 

I know that it sounds like the most pathetic thing to do on 'such an occasion', but there was nothing more comforting than silence to welcome this particular year. You know how you're almost always certain things will never happen the way you want it to? That's exactly what 2009 taught me. I've finally realized (after a hundred pitfalls) that most of us fall short because we're always waiting for someone else to come fix our lives. We rely on advice, books, teachers, parents, friends, just about anything and everyone we can lean on - except ourselves. This is the year I'm going to start repairing all the damage from the last year. 

So as far as resolutions go,  I'm going to start with getting my hair done and buying myself a new phone to reorganize my friends list. And call the people I've promised to. By March, I should get my bank accounts and investments in line. By July, I hope I'm sitting at a news desk once more poring over stories around the world. And by December, if, and only if I  just manage to muster the right amount of strength, I guess I'll kiss NK goodbye.