Friday, 22 May 2009

Ten reasons why the past two weeks have been happy

1) Loads of chocolate cake, Rasamalai and sweet Boondhi. Setting an auspicious date to start diet, or hit the gym.

2) My maid's neighbour is dead, or so it seems. I really wonder why people die in her family every week. Ok, I actually bought it the first time when she said her brother died. Felt sad, and gave her a whole lot of sympathy, including 1 hour of listening to gruesome details of how he was murdered, and some money. But then, over the past three week, two sisters, a father, a brother-in-law and a stepson have been 'murdered'. Now, the neighbour. Like, seriously. But, I must say, she's quite a storyteller.

3) Remember that lizard in my house? Mr. Speckles? Well, like I said, he began dating while I was away. I spotted three ugly baby lizzies in the kitchen. It's sort of sweet in a very sick way, I think.

4) The UPA government is singing 'Jai Ho' and are all set to change the whole look of the Lok Sabha and all that. They're planning on getting new carpets and new tables.
(And NO, I don't think they care too much about water or power right now, dude, get a life. That's not their problem.)

5) Vellupillai 'retard' Prabhakaran has been shot down like a rat. The Sinhalese army is probably happy, but no-one could be as happy as me. I love real-life drama. Yes,I'm gross.

6)'To-be' former colleague, and partner in crime at work mentioned a few weeks ago that soon he'd be laughing his way out to freedom, while I sit at my desk slogging the rest of my contract till I drop dead. But apparently, not! Operation Freedom from American Company has finally come to pass.

7) Two random people said 'You've lost weight'. Ah, just when I needed come comfort.It made my day.

8) I had Chicken Lasagne. Twice!

9) Five new books on turning 23! with this really cute top from my sister, which my dad thought was 'completely inappropriate clothing to be worn out in my lifetime'.

10) Two entire weeks of doing nothing, but watch television, eat cake and live the Epicurean way!

Tuesday, 5 May 2009

Bangalore Bug-spray massacre in my kitchen

So all of you know how tough life can be. I mean, not just tough but sometimes so IRRITATING - like some crazy foot rash you just can't seem to get rid of. Also, I (don't) really know if its my landlord's fault - OK, I get that he's like this exotic animal enthusiast and all that, but seriously there's a limit to that -  that there is ugly,speckled, blackish- brown, slimy looking lizard in my kitchen. Now you may laugh and say ' Oh, come on, lizards are the most common creatures in an Indian kitchen' but hello, I beg to differ, this lizard just DOESN'T die.

The first time I saw it, it was just a baby. Yeah, it was disgusting and ugly of course, but it could barely climb the wall. Now since, I'm against baby killing of all kinds, I felt sorry for this abandoned baby lizard and didn't kill it.

Then the second time it showed up, it was sitting there happily. You know, it was sunbathing by the tubelight, like as if it was the Bahamas or something. It totally totally pissed me off. If my landlord was breeding exotic lizards, he might as well do it in his house right? So, to do my bit, I went to the Med store, got Lakshman Rekha and drew these godawful pink lines all over the house. But no, Mr.Speckles just skips and prances all over the Lakshman Rekha as if nothing had ever happened.

All hard work down the drain.

So the third time I tried Mortein. Not just once or twice but a whole load of times. While it did help in killing a number of cockroaches (that I didn't know existed till they all came out choking and dying), the stupid lizard didn't die. I mean, he didn't even get giddy. How can you not get giddy if I sprayed Mortein for a whole minute non-stop? ARGH!

I have to move my house. I really have to. I can't bear to live with this goddamn lizard and I'm so sure he'll soon start dating other lizards and start a family  in my kitchen. Then there'll be so many lizards that I'd have to move out anyway. Argh. I hate this.